Continuing Software Engineering A Year Later
05 May 2021Daunted from the Get-Go
When I registered for Software Engineering II, I expected it to be, more-or-less, similar to its predecessor, Software Engineering I––ie., In groups, create a web application and continuously develop it throughout the rest semester. What I didn’t expect, however, was to learn that we would be making a web app for an actual local company, working in collaboration with the company’s representatives and presenting our progress monthly for their feedback. No longer was this just some class with a project to be graded on. It really became something with professional significance, something which I was not prepared for in any way, shape, or form.
Imposter Syndrome
After taking Software Engineering I a year prior, one would assume that I would be properly equipped for this class, but this could be further from the truth. I didn’t take the software engineering courses in succession, but rather taking the second level class the following year. The semester between these two classes was absolutely detrimental to me as I had forgotten most of what I learned in the prior course. This combined with the higher stakes quickly led me to feel overwhelmed and inadequate––a feeling that others could describe as “imposter syndrome.” Many others in computer science experience this feeling. This feeling is especially prominent in recently graduated employees. I, however, never expected to encounter this feeling so soon as an undergraduate.
When we first got into teams, I was worried that I would only be deadweight, or rather, I felt like I was deadweight, and I feared that my teammates would come to dislike me because I was so lacking. I was anxious each meeting when we distributed tasks. I didn’t want to be assigned a task that was beyond my ability because I didn’t want to be stuck and delay others’ progress, but at the same time I wanted to make myself useful in some way. It was a dilemma of wanting to be useful but knowing that my skills weren’t sufficient. As a result, I primarily worked on graphic designs and front-end development.
I Still Have So Much to Improve On
The ability to learn independently is a skill that I don’t have, or at the very least, it’s not something that I can do very well when it comes to computer science. This became very clear to me as I was working on this project. There were multiple times when I was struggling on my own and had to reach out to others for direction and guidance. They had to teach me how to crawl before I was able to walk on my own. This isn’t exactly ideal in a field where things are constantly changing in a fairly rapid manner. Ending the semester, I still feel that I am lacking in so many ways, but now I know exactly where my weaknesses lie and where I should improve on moving forward.